"Greater love has no one than this,
that he lay down his life for his friends."

John 15:13

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it's my first free night! how nice it is to be home and showered early =) beams. maybe my hair will get a chance to dry fully tonight

so begins easter week! i'm so excited of what's to come this week, fd2 was awesome ttm! couldnt help smiling the whole way, especially nearer the end coz when we started it was a bit hectic. a name sounds nicer when it's not said too much hahaha. but yeah the exhibition looks fantastic whooots!

the annoying thing about it i think is that it looks so simple to set up, and people fully won't appreciate how much hard work and effort everyone put in.. but then it all turns to the question of who are we serving, our own glory or for God, who has been with us the whole journey every single late-night step of the way. but i'm proud of it, proud that i can say i put in my best and that it is my best for You =)

had our own minilifeconcert that night too and it was brilliant - full out worship, both on and off stage. rocks my socks man! one of the songs really convicted my heart, but i'm still unsure. feel like gideon, needing more signs, more clear before i take that step.. hearing the testimonies made me tear coz i was just thinking of all those people who have yet to enter into all the goodness of God's love, and still they think that they are completely fine. it even hurts deep inside, but i know that God is going to move tangibly on friday.

if people just stopped being so inward looking, the world would be a better place.

you are not the centre of everything, you don't always have to be in control, there is such a thing as sacrifice and if your pride was taken away you'd be able to see how there's so much more to life than just you. self-preservation may be a basic human instinct but it doesnt have to be our only reaction.

so thank you, all of you who are sacrificing, who are doing something that is for other people; serving, and even more so when it is impacting eternity.

well there goes my march holidays. or break. or whatever you want to call it.

the plan was to study, and i guess it stayed as a plan.. but with a valid and more important reason behind it okay. i dunno why i feel the need to clarify that, i guess it's not me to just chiong for one thing and let something else die. but then again i've never felt the need to really Do Something Fantastically, until now.

it's really amazing how fast it speaks to you, and even when you dont listen to it at first and go one huge round debating about it in your mind, you still end up with what it said right at the very beginning.

i shouldnt be selfish - it would be awesome, but i just couldnt do it. should spread out the area of impact aye. but i seriously considered, i really did. it would be so much easier to run, but that's just taking the easy way out. i think i'm beginning to see something bigger here, and it's rather quite exciting.

leaders retreat was awesome =) finally got to see everyone again.. i see people in a different light of age now which is quite amusing. but somethings you really cant reconcile hahah. and it was nice talking to you again =)

i didn't get any emails when i was away. which is rather suspicious and quite disturbing. oh no i dont want to be workaholic! *mumblegrumblejemgrumbles* hahahahah

i really dunno how block tests are going to go. this has got to be the worst set ever. but...

"at least if you do badly this time it's because you didn't study.. but if you do study and do badly then that's when you should start worrying.."

hahaha thanks man =)

PersonalDNA says:

"You are a Benevolent Creator.

about you

You are a Creator

Your imagination, confidence, willingness to explore, and appreciation of beauty make you a CREATOR.

You are independent, and you enjoy your self-sufficiency.

Defying convention, you are very innovative, and you have a vivid imagination.

The look of things is important to you, and you have a keen eye for aesthetic beauty in multiple arenas.

You have a strong interest in what is new and exciting—and that includes forging ahead with new ideas, not simply discovering what is already out there.

Your eagerness to seek new and varied experiences leads you into many different situations.

You're not set on one way of doing things, and you are creative when it comes to finding novel solutions to complex problems.

You trust yourself to be innovative and resourceful.

Your confidence allows you to take your general awareness and channel it into creativity.

You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.

If you want to be different:
Appreciate the earthly, practical elements of things—there is beauty in form as well.
While you are good at thinking abstractly, focusing on details a bit more may help you discover things about the world.

how you relate to others

You are Benevolent

You are a great person to interact with—understanding, giving, and trusting—in a word, BENEVOLENT

You don't mind being in social situations, as you feel comfortable enough with people to be yourself.

Your caring nature goes beyond a basic concern: you take the time to understand the nuances of people's situations before passing any sort of judgment.

You're a good listener, and even better at offering advice.

You're concerned with others at both an individual and societal level—you sympathize with the plights of troubled groups, and you can care about people you've never met.

Considering many different perspectives is something at which you excel, and you appreciate that quality in others.

Other people's feelings are important to you, and you're good at mediating disputes.

Because of your understanding and patience, you tend to bring out the best in people.

If you want to be different:
You spend a lot of time taking care of others, but don't forget to take care of yourself!
Sometimes you can get overcommitted, and when you sacrifice spending time with those close to you, it can make them feel unimportant. "

so is it flawed? hahaha

tonight's been a good night. God knows when i need to be cheered up, and exactly how.

hahahaha i just had this fleeting idea which i know if i say it, i wouldnt be able to hear the end of it whenever i go to school. so i'm not going to say it coz it's just such easy bait for slander and we all know that i'm smart enough not to put myself there aye. so nyeh.

anyway, today i just felt sooo sick of studying which made me a it scared to tell you the truth coz i was suddenly reminded of that guy from a top jc who went all depressed and said he didnt want to study anymore.

but i couldnt like, not study today. even in cor with ppl laughing, talking, guitaring, singing, spouting nonsense i couldnt not study. i saw my notes there and i just had to study. i think it's inbuilt or something heh. it was quite a strange feeling, the totally sttmmness but yet still doing it anyway. to me it felt like it was just one of those moments where i feel human (not that most days i dont haha) and forget that everything i do is for the glory of God.

so even though i put on my harrumphing-ness and gripe, it just goes against my whole being to just let my block tests die. so looks like i'm tied to my notes for the meantime anyway. but i really need You on this one, God. seriously screwed for physics and econs at this rate =(

i think i like to watch people grow.

it's all coming together now, i feel.

the timing is impeccable, as always.

we prayer walked the school. like awesome. prayed like never before. earlier that day during the morning prayer i got this from God:

'And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints' ephesians 6:18

i'm just reminded again of how powerful our prayers are, and powerful praying is.. i mean Jesus's last actions before he got arrested was to pray. if it wasnt that important, he wouldnt have wasted his time by spending his last hours doing it. it's like speaking in the physical world and when the words leave your lips it changes something in the spiritual realm which changes something in the physical when the words come back. it's totally awesome.

'For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms' ephesians 6:12

the only way we can fight against spiritual forces is by praying - connecting with God, because it's the only part of us that can reach there. which is why words are so important even if it isn't praying. our words carry weight and you can't just fling them around coz ppl will get hurt.

just remembered what i saw during the jan camp - the soldier dressed ready for battle with a whole host of an army behind him and this is what i feel we're up to now.. coming into the 3rd week of Prayer and Fast - Opposition and Deliverance. and after prep camp and the spritual high there's the tendency to just stop there or even fall back so it's all the more important that we start praying now.

coz the devil will seek to steal kill and destroy, especially when we start taking things to a higher level with God. it gets scared when we become powerful and begin actively using the power that God gives to us.

another song that fits the spirit of things- why council sang this to a funeral march is beyond me, but whatever =)

Onward, Christian soldiers, marching as to war,
with the cross of Jesus going on before.
Christ, the royal Master, leads against the foe;
forward into battle see his banners go!

Onward, Christian soldiers, marching as to war,
with the cross of Jesus going on before.

At the sign of triumph Satan's host doth flee;
on then, Christian soldiers, on to victory!
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.

Like a mighty army moves the church of God;
brothers, we are treading where the saints have trod.
We are not divided, all one body we,
one in hope and doctrine, one in charity.

Crowns and thrones may perish, kingdoms rise and wane,
but the church of Jesus constant will remain.
Gates of hell can never gainst that church prevail;
we have Christ's own promise, and that cannot fail.

Onward then, ye people, join our happy throng,
blend with ours your voices in the triumph song.
Glory, laud, and honor unto Christ the King,
this through countless ages men and angels sing.

back from camp! bed is the nicest thing in the world hahah. and maybe also good shampoo. anyway.

i cant think of anything to say, but just know that i'm beaming coz i'm so happy - no, joyful about how awesomely the camp went =D

felt like i was in a time warp, a place where i didn't have to worry at all about any outside nonsense like block tests and whatnot, and completely dedicate my time to God's work. fully awesome man! enjoyed everysingleminute of it, and i'm not going to let it die out, not this time.

this is the awesomest song which pretty much sums up what i'm feeling atm - chesed i found it! =)

My love and my light
Don Moen

You are my love and my light
You are my purpose for living
You are my hope in the night
My reason for singing
You bring the joy to my life
(And You're) making it better and better
And I will give thanks forever and ever

Will we ever know
What we have been given
He has chosen us and called us His own
Flowing from His throne
There is a river
Bringing life and health wherever it goes

We will bless Your name
Always and ever
And offer up the sacrifices of praise
Teach us Lord we pray
To live in Your presence
Make us more and more
Like You everyday

What a joy to know
Our Father loves us so

And I will give thanks
Forever and ever

like woah. talk about a busy busy week.

i'm so excited about easter week! yayyy like finally i can see the importance and point of it and really, how awesome it is. i know it's kinda late for this to happen but well, better late then never aye.

i'm so blessed by the people around me, especially my dear sfc people. each of them help me to stand in school, even if just by seeing them i feel better. i hit a low this wed, after cross country. that was the ultimate i just want to curl up and die and leave this to someone else type of mess with a whole tirade of nonsensical whatnot that i couldnt even process coz i was so tired.

and weiwen just said 'i think we need to pray' and i felt like crap. because i had forgotten, the most important thing - that this is God's and not mine, i didn't talk to my boss, my guide, my friend and it was like a 'duh. no wonder' sort of moment.

and even though physically i feel wasted, falling asleep during lecture, not understanding my maths tutorial, there's something inside that keeps me going - this joy that just keeps burning coz i know what i'm doing counts, and it counts big. my block tests can go screw itself coz what i'm doing impacts eternity. so yeah, even though i'm tired, i'm fine inside. in a completely fine way, and not a fine,whatever sort of thing.

man i'm just soaking in this experience, really - i'm learning so much and it's awesome. God works, and that's a fact. having to do all the proposals, having to read and delve and study, it's fantastic to be renewed daily, i love it. i really love what i'm doing.

on another note,

people fail, they fall. everyone makes mistakes. the higher up you go, the further you fall down. but what makes the difference is what happens after you fall. do you stay down, or do you keep climbing, learn from it and hold on tighter.

so dont let this get you down alright, it's natural to disappoint sometimes, but there's also forgiveness and love that's still around. pick yourself up and do better this time =)

in any case, i still love you!